Are You Kidding Me?

Oct 14

This is an archived blog from 2011. Return to the blog home to read other posts from In the Family Way.

Those were the first words I said when I heard the voice at the other end of the phone this past Sunday. It was Sarah Jensen, our adoption facilitator at the Adoption Center of San Diego. It was the call we thought was months or more away.

We had just submitted our paperwork and "Dear Birthmother" letters on Tuesday, October 6. This was the final preparatory step before we could be considered as adoptive parents by birthmothers. The paperwork was a mix of background information, financial data, and a personal questionnaire that the birthmother sees along with our letter.

There is also a Preference Form where we choose the details of a child we are willing to adopt. We could choose the race(s), age, whether we would accept multiples, genetic risks, or a history of drug/alcohol/tobacco use during pregnancy. This form can be a revelation to couples who have never discussed this, and Rob and I spoke a long time about this form. In the end, we decided that we were open to all situations except a birthmother who was actively using alcohol or drugs while pregnant. We figured that we wouldn't limit ourselves, and therefore increase the number of situations that we were a match for.

Many people don't know that it's the birthmother who chooses the people who will raise her child. When Sarah does outreach for the Adoption Center, she helps pregnant women decide if adoption is right for them. It's not right for everyone. But if a birthmother decides it is right for her, Sarah presents her with the letters and questionnaire packets of any potential adoptive parents that fit their own situation and requirements. A birthmother may want their child to be adopted into a home that has children already, or one that practices a certain faith or speaks a second language. The birthmother then chooses a family based on those presented to her by Sarah.

We attended a workshop for prospective adoptive parents on Saturday, October 8. We were encouraged to attend two of these. The first one in September was about birthmothers, and we got to meet two very special women who chose to place their babies with loving families. It was a moving experience that I intend to write about soon.

The second workshop was about speaking to your child about adoption and featured two adult adoptees who spoke about their experiences. Remarkably, one of these women was herself pregnant with a child that she was going to place for adoption! It was an amazing day that touched me deeply. I also intend to write more about this and the effect it had on me.

However, the entire day was overshadowed by another occurrence: one of the couples in the room—one that had not been matched with a birthmother—became parents that day! At the beginning of the meeting, Sarah told us that she had received a phone call the night before from a woman who spoke no English. She was able to discern that the woman was 37 weeks pregnant and wanted to place the baby for adoption. Sarah sent her translator to visit the woman with the letters she had with her—which didn't include ours—so that she could find a family for her child. Sarah's translator called during the workshop. Sarah excused herself to take the call, stepping outside of the room, but within earshot of Rob and me. We could hear that the woman was in labor! And that she had chosen a couple...a couple that was in the room with us!

At the end of the meeting, we all waited to see what had transpired on the call. Only Rob and I heard the details, but all eight couples were milling around, hoping. And then it happened, Sarah approached a couple—Jussi and Sabrina—and told them, tears streaming, that they had been chosen. We all cried and celebrated with them as the reality set in...they were going to become parents within hours! They rushed off to the hospital to meet the birthmother, who loved them, and they were there for the birth of their son Aaron!

Rob and I returned home that day on a high. Jussi and Sabrina had been waiting for a year and had been trying to get pregnant for many years before that. We looked forward to the day that we got that call from Sarah that a birthmother wanted us to be the parents of their child.

On Sunday, October 9 we were helping host a neighborhood Oktoberfest. We live on a street that is right out of the 1950s. There are block parties, a "ladies’ group" that plans activities, monthly cocktail parties, holiday decorating, and canyon cleaning outings. It's ridiculously great. I was on the food committee and spent Sunday morning shopping and helping to set up.

By 1:30, Rob and I were relaxing with a few neighbors, having a beer, and telling them about our exciting day on Saturday. It was all part of our networking homework since we finalized the paperwork. We just got to the part about Jussi and Sabrina being told when my phone rang. It was Sarah.

"Hello, Carol. This is Sarah Jensen." My heart started racing.