Am I An Outsider?

I’m a regular listener of We Can Do Hard Things, and it often feels like they’re speaking right to me—but today’s episode with Gillian Anderson was something else entirely. Anderson talked about her new book, Want, which shares women’s anonymous fantasies. Not exactly a topic I’d normally connect with, to be honest, but something in her words hit me unexpectedly.

Halfway through the episode, I felt this pull, like I was understood in a way I hadn’t let myself believe was possible. The stories in Want aren’t just about fantasies; they’re about women wanting what they want—no apologies, no justifications. It felt personal because, in this whole process of digging into my own identity and sense of belonging, I’ve realized how many layers I keep hidden, even from those closest to me. And it made me think of how often I’ve felt like an outsider, especially around things that are supposed to be “normal” for women.

For years, I figured I must be missing some essential experience, that there was a way of being that other women just got. I wasn’t having those all-revealing friendships or sharing the intimate details that shows like Sex and the City make look so effortless. But Anderson’s words today gave me this huge “ah-ha”: maybe that feeling of being on the outside is actually a lot more common than I thought.

And maybe that’s my biggest takeaway. This journey of letting myself really be seen—by others and by myself—is probably going to show me over and over that I’m more “normal” than I think. It’s almost laughable, at 56, to realize that what I thought made me an outsider might just be part of being human.

So, here’s to asking myself what I really want and keeping on peeling back the layers. I have a feeling I’ll keep finding out that my so-called “strangeness” isn’t strange at all. And honestly, I think I’m ready for that.