False Starts and First Steps
This is an archived blog from 2011. Return to the blog home to read other posts from In the Family Way.
I guess once the contract is signed and the check is written, you're committed. Today we took the first, definitive step to possible parenthood with our third meeting with Sarah at The Adoption Center of San Diego. This has been a long time coming.
During the summer of 2009, while I was enjoying an unexpected vacation layoff, we decided we would figure out an adoption plan with the extra time I now had. I contacted every kind of establishment I could think of:
San Diego County foster care system (adoption is the solution for when they fail to do their job, not their reason for being)
Adoption law center (felt too...legal)
Independent adoption agency (felt too...liberal and independent; expected us to advertise and screen birthmothers ourselves)
Private adoption attorney (felt like too much of a business)
Christian adoption agency (felt too fundamental)
Catholic social services (they never even returned my phone calls - nice one, Catholics!)
Adoption facilitator (felt just right!)
After several intense months of orientations, meetings, and phone calls to understand the options available to us, we attended an orientation at the Independent Adoption Center in Mission Viejo. All the pressure of the previous months (during which my father passed away and my family fell apart) came to the surface. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and stressed. I cried the entire drive home and decided to take a break, find a job, and get back to the adoption search when things were more settled.
That took more than a year. But when it came time to start again, we called Sarah.
Each state's adoption process is different, and in California, many independent adoption facilitators help you manage the process of adoption. Some do community outreach to find pregnant women who are thinking about adoption and help to match birthmothers with potential adoptive families. In our case, Sarah does outreach and helps make a match. She also will make sure that we follow all the rules, and use reputable social workers, attorneys, home study providers, and all the other details that go into adoption. She knows the birthmothers, she knows the adoptive families, and the process seems personal.
When all was said and done, she spent 4 or 5 hours getting to know us before deciding if we were good candidates to work with her. And we got to understand her position and feel comfortable with the choice before we committed.
And so now we are committed. We were sent home from today's meeting a little poorer, but with big dreams and a big job ahead of us. The following weeks will be filled with forms, profiles, "Dear Birthmother" letters, photos, meetings, and everything else it takes to get us into the pool of potential parents.
I should maybe feel overwhelmed, but instead, I feel calm. It's like we've thrown ourselves at fate and said, "Give us what you've got!" We're ready for it.
http://www.adoption-center.org/
This is an archived blog from 2011. Return to the blog home to read other posts from In the Family Way.